Today I had a 3 hours interview which was very nice but also very intense and one question and one answer will keep me sort of fucked up, after saying it the first time so clear and after thinking the very first time about it. The question was what the Suicide of Jürgen did to me next to, that it was ripping my heart and my life into one million pieces?
...... the answer and this is something I will never feel different: ..... that my love, that all my promises not to leave him alone, my promises that I will always stand by his side, my proof how much i loved him, everything i did for him, all the help I organised, my smiles, my holding hands, my sharing his life, my giving up of myslef was not good enough and was in general not enough to make him believing that it is worth to stay alive ....... I pray every day, that this harm will taken away once in my life and maybe once in my life .... well whatever....... I know it was his desicion, it was his desease ..... but this is what people who left behind are going through: I was not good enough to keep somebody alive .... my brain thinks different, my heart feels this.
In any case, crazy enough to devote my life to a task that has become much more important to me than my home, my scooter and my garden. It is my life task, because a suicide kills us all in one way or another.
Above on this site you will find all the social networks I am in. It will be a major help if you connect with me in those networks.
I will use them to document my walk around the world. On youtube you will find weekly video documentations. On flicker I will do the daily photo documentary. The best pic of the day you will find on instagram and much more. Where I will write about the adventures is not sure yet.
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Please help with your friendship and sharings.
Thank you so much.